Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
