I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
