based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
