How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
