oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
