haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
