So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
