You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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