my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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