Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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