what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
