I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
