If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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