OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
