It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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