yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize