Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
is wine microwaveable?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
