You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
