I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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