Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
