it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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