Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
