Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
