Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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