I need help removing her.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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