we have officially lost it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
