double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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