I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
