I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
