ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
