remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
