when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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