I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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