Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
