At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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