Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
