now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
3pm strippers are depressing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
