so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
