Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
