So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
