Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's never too late to be topless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
