dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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