If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
