we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
