moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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