What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
