chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
