The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
