Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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