....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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