it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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