ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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