Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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