The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
handjob tips. give me some.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
