I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
