i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize