I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
