How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
