my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I FOUND THE LEGS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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