Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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