I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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