Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
