Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
