it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
