I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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