You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
