I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
