idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
