girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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