How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
