Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
