Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize