plz talk dirty to me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
