I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
