I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
