i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
