So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
