If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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