My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
