All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
