we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
