Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
