i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
