Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
