i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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