I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
