I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
