Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
