im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
