Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
