You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize