i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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