There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
