Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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