Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
