member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
