This is not my ceiling
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All the doctor said was why
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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