Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
