so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
