; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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