You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
