i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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