Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
