I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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