I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
