i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
