I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize